Saturday, 26 November 2016

Clearing


I wanted to share this poem. Not my words but I feel, hope, want to make space for this. From my little held and safe space, of candles and hygge, I am waiting.

Clearing 
by Martha Postlewaite

Do not try and save
 the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize it and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worthy of rescue.


I feel each layer of my life which I stop to consider, my story, my possessions, how I live, and what I then might decide to discard or treasure, is bringing me back to myself. Now I just have to be brave enough to hold that space, without rushing to fill it. Trusting that what comes next will come if I allow it. 


♥♥♥

Tuesday, 15 November 2016

hygge


This last week I have been hygge-ing, is that a verb?:-) Candles, baths and lots of stretching, sometimes even stretching twice a day. I've considered learning to meditate. I haven't felt good, and I haven't really felt as though I could 'speak' on social media really either. Everything felt amplified and as though my own voice would even boom back at me. (As this post might). This feels really uncomfortable, and like there is no boundary between my thoughts and the volume of what's happening out there in life. Like they are waves crashing together in a swell. And I do feel both worlds are linked. I think our inner and outer worlds do reflect each other, in the bigger scheme of things. What we see and notice is a reflection of what's inside us at some level, even if it's an outdated view or something buried in our layers of human consciousness or something we don't want to own.

I don't want to be cut off from what's happening either. We're all experiencing this together. Which is why I've found it important to consciously choose when I can, what to allow in. I stopped watching the long news articles a few weeks ago. The headlines find their way through anyway. For me it has been a case of riding those mass thought waves that are out there, that I cannot fail to experience, because they are out there and at the same time trying to stay peaceful and not add anymore vitriol to it. I think whether we live in the USA or not the powerful feelings arising are being felt by all of us, even unconsciously. Whether we agreed with the outcome or not, the stirring of energy is huge. The thing is whatever my present state is, very much affects how things roll at home and I need to keep things here as clear as possible.

People are feeling moved in big ways to make things different. This will be the beginning of an interesting time. There is still a lot of good out there and I think today at least, self-care is right up there in flashing lights.

So I just need gentle, gentle, gentle. This Hygge book came at just the right time. I brought it in my local book shop, which I have discovered again. I had a real dilemma over choosing which Hygge book I would buy. I chose this one for the words, because I really did want to learn more about it, but I was so drawn to another, really just for the pictures, the kind of pictures that made my heart spark with that good feeling of some old and forgotten memory of people gathering together in warmth and joy. How can a picture do that?...reach right in and touch something inside, amazing. So I know I need more of that in my life, and you know I'm probably going to buy that book too....! I know I am all about the words and also all about the pictures too. That's why I like blogging:-)

    ♥

(ps. I've forgotten which the other book was, but I will show you if (when!) I get it).

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Keeping on rolling...

sweet smelling hawthorne blossom on the common
I think I began my blog just after my birthday four years, although I have been quiet of late. I recently tried to get the process moving again, in a slightly awkward and different kind of way. It would be fair to say that my blog is probably going through some kind of personality crisis. Am I a crochet blog? will I be a creative maker? or a de-cluttering/simple living writer. Will I let go of most of my possessions, build a tiny house on wheels and roll of into the sunset, or to the sea? Will I go off on a midlife wildwoman adventure and live in my car or a van, crocheting wonderful shawls and breathing in the air at that awesome place where the land meets the sea?  And what will I do about the teenager?

the wildflowers are dancing
Or is it about me and my soul searching, and how much am I prepared to talk about it?  And if you had read my last posts you would see there was also a whole lot of blaming going on there too. One of my least admirable traits. Not pretty. I know. I also know that whatever we can see in someone else is a pretty clear indication of what's going on in us, so I humbly say that, yes indeed I have felt pretty stuck myself recently.

the common is in it's sweet meadow place right now
But I think I might be about to turn a corner. Just quietly you know. In a kind of no one else will probably notice kind of way. I tend to roam this green and lovely planet mostly on my own these days, with my little dog at my heels. In fact only this morning I thought to myself, I only want to be up on this common, or at home doing my things, or else down there on our lovely south west coast line touring around. Oh and if this is a wishlist of  kinds then a few little European adventures, wouldn't go amiss, one day. And what would I do on this journey you might ask? well that is a good question and I can't answer that right now. Perhaps I would find some wares to make along the way. I would run my little etsy shop on route. Perhaps it would just be a spring to autumn time adventure. Or maybe the teenager, would need me around more than I think. So perhaps I will become a weekend adventurer!... Well a girl can dream can't she.

my little dog on the common
You can see my blog roll has changed now. It speaks to me more of the need to free up my life, reduce my possessions, live life a little differently. Open up the possibility for adventure. Let it out.

I'm very inspired by what Amanda Sandlin atwildwomen is doing, with her creative adventures, even though she is so much younger. So here I am at 47 and I still feel like it's all ahead of me, but in a different way.

frothy cowparsley
So until I work it out I will continue to wander and scheme about it all, and really that is the fun bit! So I won't be giving up this space any time soon. I need it to contain all my dreams and makings and some tough bits too. And yes there have been makings, I have a few things to show you soon.

butterfly wrap - my little red suitcase
I imagine myself wrapping this shawl around me with it's soft chunky yarn to keep me warm while the sunsets and the waves lap at the shore....while I breathe in the fresh air and clear space that I am making in my life, and feel held there. Looking after my life in a way that works for me and for my son too.

♥ 

Quick update on where I am around the web:-

My blog - here to stay! (see my first little red suitcase post!)

Instagram - yes,yes!..but also no, no! in the way that it sucks life out of any other time to do anything else creative, needs mindfulness.

Flickr - I still love the photos here.

My shop - Just updated and plan on trying to make it happen.

Pinterest - Surprisingly inspiring and useful, used with intention. 

Monday, 4 April 2016

the changing landscape

moody blue skies from Portishead Marina Bristol
Yesterday I talked about a changing landscape. An internal landscape. At least that's what I felt I was talking about. Our view of things begins to change but we still find ourselves looking at old ways and behaviours and situations, which don't just go away over night. We would like to just ditch them and run for hills, and may have just done in the past. And now know that running isn't the answer and that we are in it. In it for all it's worth. All the situations we can turn around into gold, if we can only find the way.

But still, yesterday I listened to a podcast where the lady who mistakenly married very young, realized that her relationship was making her ill and that one day, she left that relationship. All the other elements in her life stayed the same, work, friends, interests. But leaving that one element behind, changed everything and her health return, almost overnight. Just by changing one thing.

This story speaks to me. Some elements of my life feel stuck. Like I'm not thriving. I'm stuck in situations with people which show no sign of changing. Truthfully I know life is always changing, because that's what it does, but which thing can I change? deep down I know it's the house I live in. I've had lodgers living here for the last 10 years, the whole time in fact. It's brought some great times and I've met some lovely people who have become friends. The financial aspect has been much needed. But for the last few years it has been waning. One situation there feels stuck, and although I feel I understand the reasons why and have worked hard to raise the vibration around it. It needs to change. On a personal level I find they don't completely honour who I am. It feels like looking at an old program which needs an update. And it could also be a mirror of some aspect of me which needs to change. I know that too. I feel like I am in stalemate. I start to feel myself shrinking and the walls build up higher. And I want to break free of them.

And then within our family situation there is one element that just won't change. I feel I've tried everything. Persuasion, force, therapy, modeling behaviour, I'm trying acceptance now. but you still know it's happening and your still collaborating. I can't change anyone can I and I can't save anyone else either. That's hard. That's a big lesson for me. I can only state my truth I think. Live my truth. Even if at times I'm still caught up in other peoples stuff.

So maybe at some point I will move. Maybe all the other elements will stay the same, and maybe some will change around that, we will have to see. Changes will be a foot eventually. Perhaps I will move to the coast. It's a process isn't it and we are all in it. 

***

On my blog, I guess things have changed here. I've been absent. I don't read blogs anymore. I've enjoyed the freedom of that. I don't have a blog reader anymore. Although I had to scramble mine because, they don't actually let you leave. I follow by email on some.

I took my blog roll down this morning. Perhaps I will gradually re-instate it with a few people who are on my radar. I've been enjoying a few minimalist living blogs and I haven't given up on my creativity, which I hope to build my new life around in some way. This seems to be a time of shedding for me, and then looking more closely at what is still there. I'm enjoying instagram. My shop seems to have sat in that static place which I find other areas of my life are in. I'm not quite sure what to make of that, except maybe other people aren't as keen on the denim backing as I am! and do I want to keep making cushions anyway? I think I will take down my Etsy badge to, see who I am without that here. 

So I may ramble here for a while. It feels like it's really just me and my waffle so far. But I like this space, always have and may waffle here some more. Like a journal perhaps. I can't do nicey nice right now. I have this piece of grit to roll around first and who knows maybe it will become a pearl, one day in the future. 

May the day bring you clarity and strength,

Heather

♥ 

  

  
 

Sunday, 3 April 2016

hello again

outside my front door - leaves in the sunlight
It's nice to post a new picture here. It's a relief, I kept popping in and seeing the same picture, and you know what they say, that change is good. I  hope I'm emerging now with the spring. When I go away from my blog, it's like going on a journey, even if only virtually. I take my little suitcase and explore high and low until I discover new things, and new inspirations. I find something new in myself. Probably something which has always been there, but I often need to see it in the mirror outside first. Sometimes it's something I don't like and often it arrives at the same time as a new and shiny impulse. Like being shown the new and the old at the same time. The urge to jump ship is huge. Other continents wave at me like sunny, beckoning friends. To find the new perfect life which surely awaits, just over there. The one where I don't have to try to untangle myself and burst out from places where I feel suffocated. I think we often arrive at the new, still dragging our old and worn out patterns and behaviours behind, like crazy tin cans on a 'just married' car. As we try and shake and kick them off, we realize that they were the vehicle that brought us here, and should probably be honoured. Indeed.

 Happy spring friends,

♥     

Saturday, 2 January 2016

I think I might have something to say....

My first coherent thought upon awaking on January 1st was 'I am so tired' my second was 'thank god I haven't got a hangover...'. It has to be the upside to having a quiet new year. Not drinking any alcohol has now become a bit of an ongoing theme, over the whole year in fact, and a few before that. A clear head in the morning is totally worth it, even if sometimes my life feels a little tame. I have some quite memorable and crazy new years eve's logged in my memory as well as some down right awful ones. I guess now I opt for safe, happy and relaxed, and hope that whoever is around me feels like that too.
So that was my new year. I spent the first day of the new year out of communications too with my phone firmly off and feeling what I can only describe as sheltered in the warm glow of a new years bubble. There have been no tears this holiday season, until Julie Andrews earnestly sung her way through The Sound of Music and reminded me of my Mum. It was her era you see. The hair cut and the singing and the handmade clothes, and the scenery, which no doubt led to some of our Alpine adventures, with cousins and friends whilst growing up. But well a few tears to soften us and open us to the new year ahead is probably a good thing.
I've found my way back to this space, I will talk some more in the future about who inspired me and why. I needed to feel like I had hit the refresh button, in terms of approach and style, and I think I needed to just hangout on instagram a while and experience the community there. The ease of taking quick photos, creating and connecting. For me it's an inspiration board. But I do value this creative space here. I've often been popping in to polish and change things around, and I do love to do that. It's a ever evolving space. Maybe one day I might jump to a new space, but not yet. I'm okay with blogger and I haven't tried all the different options yet! 
So a new year beckons. I do have a new word for this year. A word that I hope will resonate and guide me. Last year's word was REVITALIZE. You can read that here, and the previous year before that was COMMIT, you can see that here Looking back revitalize was a big word to embody. Or perhaps that's how I saw it. Our lives are big aren't they, made up of many different elements. I suspect that's true even in the smallest of tiny living houses. Health, our relationships, family, our homes, our work, our dis-functions, all the little bits that make up the whole. There hasn't been an almighty wand swept through my life scattering fairy dust and transforming everything but suddenly I can see that just a little shake and flap can bring things back to life. I can see this in most areas, it's all on my radar now. I know I can't get past without engaging and making something of what I see. They are the very basics of self-care, self-worth, value and how we chose to live. Perhaps I'm rambling now, but this is what's emerging. I may need to make some bigger decisions in the future to really transform my life, and I will try and remember that sometimes things just need a gentle butterfly flutter to come back to life. 
So this year I'm going to be looking for what I VALUE, and by value I don't mean ka-ching.  

     I mean what do I value in my life. What are my values. Am I living them. If something is in my life, does it bring value, and if not, why not, and is there anything I can do to change it so that it does, or do I need to let go or move on. How do I value myself? How do I value the people in my life, how do we teach our children to value themselves. Important huh? I think if we care for something it's because we value it.

 So I can ask myself, is this cared for, is it valued, and how do I show that? 

So VALUE 2016.
Bring it on!....

I'm going to enjoy my little tree and decorations for a few more days, then put it all carefully to bed until next year. I'm looking forward to finding some nice bare winter branches to decorate for January. Perhaps if I put them in a little water they will bring me some little green buds and new life, but for now I will enjoy the warmth and glow from this festive season. Hope you are too.



P.S if you would like to read a little tale about the dog-walkers christmas tree pictured above, you can read that here. 

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

hello autumn world....


Oh here I am...back again, and it's Autumn :-)


How lovely. I've had a bit of time to reflect and review. 
To work out what I'm doing and how I want to carry on.


I have two pages of notes, but I think I just need to sum it up instead and say,
I still want to be here.


Three and a half years on. 
Two hundred and twenty three posts later. 
A few strange what an earth was I thinking of posts, (all still there!)
I like it here.


But I can't step back into it in the way that I was.
I can't step back into the spiral of blog reading.


I find myself spending much less time on-line. 
It's been a bit of a habit to break.


I feel like I'm getting to know me again.
Discovering blogs and blogging came at a time when I really needed it.
I always wanted to create a little business,
and I really want to put my energy there.
Which I guess means making things and doing shop things :-)
So this is what I plan to do.
I hope you understand.



I think there will be more tales to tell,
but it's definitely important to step back and watch the world go by now and again.


Blogging has helped define who I am, 
helped me to see what was already there, with new eyes.
Helped me to see what I want to move towards, 
and brought untold amounts of inspiration.


and I know that whatever that may be, 
it will contain a little bit of everyone I've ever met and enjoyed something of.
And that's the beautiful thing about creative glimmers and life evolving.

Thanks for reading and commenting along the way.