Monday, 4 April 2016

the changing landscape

moody blue skies from Portishead Marina Bristol
Yesterday I talked about a changing landscape. An internal landscape. At least that's what I felt I was talking about. Our view of things begins to change but we still find ourselves looking at old ways and behaviours and situations, which don't just go away over night. We would like to just ditch them and run for hills, and may have just done in the past. And now know that running isn't the answer and that we are in it. In it for all it's worth. All the situations we can turn around into gold, if we can only find the way.

But still, yesterday I listened to a podcast where the lady who mistakenly married very young, realized that her relationship was making her ill and that one day, she left that relationship. All the other elements in her life stayed the same, work, friends, interests. But leaving that one element behind, changed everything and her health return, almost overnight. Just by changing one thing.

This story speaks to me. Some elements of my life feel stuck. Like I'm not thriving. I'm stuck in situations with people which show no sign of changing. Truthfully I know life is always changing, because that's what it does, but which thing can I change? deep down I know it's the house I live in. I've had lodgers living here for the last 10 years, the whole time in fact. It's brought some great times and I've met some lovely people who have become friends. The financial aspect has been much needed. But for the last few years it has been waning. One situation there feels stuck, and although I feel I understand the reasons why and have worked hard to raise the vibration around it. It needs to change. On a personal level I find they don't completely honour who I am. It feels like looking at an old program which needs an update. And it could also be a mirror of some aspect of me which needs to change. I know that too. I feel like I am in stalemate. I start to feel myself shrinking and the walls build up higher. And I want to break free of them.

And then within our family situation there is one element that just won't change. I feel I've tried everything. Persuasion, force, therapy, modeling behaviour, I'm trying acceptance now. but you still know it's happening and your still collaborating. I can't change anyone can I and I can't save anyone else either. That's hard. That's a big lesson for me. I can only state my truth I think. Live my truth. Even if at times I'm still caught up in other peoples stuff.

So maybe at some point I will move. Maybe all the other elements will stay the same, and maybe some will change around that, we will have to see. Changes will be a foot eventually. Perhaps I will move to the coast. It's a process isn't it and we are all in it. 


On my blog, I guess things have changed here. I've been absent. I don't read blogs anymore. I've enjoyed the freedom of that. I don't have a blog reader anymore. Although I had to scramble mine because, they don't actually let you leave. I follow by email on some.

I took my blog roll down this morning. Perhaps I will gradually re-instate it with a few people who are on my radar. I've been enjoying a few minimalist living blogs and I haven't given up on my creativity, which I hope to build my new life around in some way. This seems to be a time of shedding for me, and then looking more closely at what is still there. I'm enjoying instagram. My shop seems to have sat in that static place which I find other areas of my life are in. I'm not quite sure what to make of that, except maybe other people aren't as keen on the denim backing as I am! and do I want to keep making cushions anyway? I think I will take down my Etsy badge to, see who I am without that here. 

So I may ramble here for a while. It feels like it's really just me and my waffle so far. But I like this space, always have and may waffle here some more. Like a journal perhaps. I can't do nicey nice right now. I have this piece of grit to roll around first and who knows maybe it will become a pearl, one day in the future. 

May the day bring you clarity and strength,





Sunday, 3 April 2016

hello again

outside my front door - leaves in the sunlight
It's nice to post a new picture here. It's a relief, I kept popping in and seeing the same picture, and you know what they say, that change is good. I  hope I'm emerging now with the spring. When I go away from my blog, it's like going on a journey, even if only virtually. I take my little suitcase and explore high and low until I discover new things, and new inspirations. I find something new in myself. Probably something which has always been there, but I often need to see it in the mirror outside first. Sometimes it's something I don't like and often it arrives at the same time as a new and shiny impulse. Like being shown the new and the old at the same time. The urge to jump ship is huge. Other continents wave at me like sunny, beckoning friends. To find the new perfect life which surely awaits, just over there. The one where I don't have to try to untangle myself and burst out from places where I feel suffocated. I think we often arrive at the new, still dragging our old and worn out patterns and behaviours behind, like crazy tin cans on a 'just married' car. As we try and shake and kick them off, we realize that they were the vehicle that brought us here, and should probably be honoured. Indeed.

 Happy spring friends,


Saturday, 2 January 2016

I think I might have something to say....

My first coherent thought upon awaking on January 1st was 'I am so tired' my second was 'thank god I haven't got a hangover...'. It has to be the upside to having a quiet new year. Not drinking any alcohol has now become a bit of an ongoing theme, over the whole year in fact, and a few before that. A clear head in the morning is totally worth it, even if sometimes my life feels a little tame. I have some quite memorable and crazy new years eve's logged in my memory as well as some down right awful ones. I guess now I opt for safe, happy and relaxed, and hope that whoever is around me feels like that too.
So that was my new year. I spent the first day of the new year out of communications too with my phone firmly off and feeling what I can only describe as sheltered in the warm glow of a new years bubble. There have been no tears this holiday season, until Julie Andrews earnestly sung her way through The Sound of Music and reminded me of my Mum. It was her era you see. The hair cut and the singing and the handmade clothes, and the scenery, which no doubt led to some of our Alpine adventures, with cousins and friends whilst growing up. But well a few tears to soften us and open us to the new year ahead is probably a good thing.
I've found my way back to this space, I will talk some more in the future about who inspired me and why. I needed to feel like I had hit the refresh button, in terms of approach and style, and I think I needed to just hangout on instagram a while and experience the community there. The ease of taking quick photos, creating and connecting. For me it's an inspiration board. But I do value this creative space here. I've often been popping in to polish and change things around, and I do love to do that. It's a ever evolving space. Maybe one day I might jump to a new space, but not yet. I'm okay with blogger and I haven't tried all the different options yet! 
So a new year beckons. I do have a new word for this year. A word that I hope will resonate and guide me. Last year's word was REVITALIZE. You can read that here, and the previous year before that was COMMIT, you can see that here Looking back revitalize was a big word to embody. Or perhaps that's how I saw it. Our lives are big aren't they, made up of many different elements. I suspect that's true even in the smallest of tiny living houses. Health, our relationships, family, our homes, our work, our dis-functions, all the little bits that make up the whole. There hasn't been an almighty wand swept through my life scattering fairy dust and transforming everything but suddenly I can see that just a little shake and flap can bring things back to life. I can see this in most areas, it's all on my radar now. I know I can't get past without engaging and making something of what I see. They are the very basics of self-care, self-worth, value and how we chose to live. Perhaps I'm rambling now, but this is what's emerging. I may need to make some bigger decisions in the future to really transform my life, and I will try and remember that sometimes things just need a gentle butterfly flutter to come back to life. 
So this year I'm going to be looking for what I VALUE, and by value I don't mean ka-ching.  

     I mean what do I value in my life. What are my values. Am I living them. If something is in my life, does it bring value, and if not, why not, and is there anything I can do to change it so that it does, or do I need to let go or move on. How do I value myself? How do I value the people in my life, how do we teach our children to value themselves. Important huh? I think if we care for something it's because we value it.

 So I can ask myself, is this cared for, is it valued, and how do I show that? 

So VALUE 2016.
Bring it on!....

I'm going to enjoy my little tree and decorations for a few more days, then put it all carefully to bed until next year. I'm looking forward to finding some nice bare winter branches to decorate for January. Perhaps if I put them in a little water they will bring me some little green buds and new life, but for now I will enjoy the warmth and glow from this festive season. Hope you are too.

P.S if you would like to read a little tale about the dog-walkers christmas tree pictured above, you can read that here. 

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

hello autumn world....

Oh here I am...back again, and it's Autumn :-)

How lovely. I've had a bit of time to reflect and review. 
To work out what I'm doing and how I want to carry on.

I have two pages of notes, but I think I just need to sum it up instead and say,
I still want to be here.

Three and a half years on. 
Two hundred and twenty three posts later. 
A few strange what an earth was I thinking of posts, (all still there!)
I like it here.

But I can't step back into it in the way that I was.
I can't step back into the spiral of blog reading.

I find myself spending much less time on-line. 
It's been a bit of a habit to break.

I feel like I'm getting to know me again.
Discovering blogs and blogging came at a time when I really needed it.
I always wanted to create a little business,
and I really want to put my energy there.
Which I guess means making things and doing shop things :-)
So this is what I plan to do.
I hope you understand.

I think there will be more tales to tell,
but it's definitely important to step back and watch the world go by now and again.

Blogging has helped define who I am, 
helped me to see what was already there, with new eyes.
Helped me to see what I want to move towards, 
and brought untold amounts of inspiration.

and I know that whatever that may be, 
it will contain a little bit of everyone I've ever met and enjoyed something of.
And that's the beautiful thing about creative glimmers and life evolving.

Thanks for reading and commenting along the way.

Sunday, 2 August 2015

summer here so far.....

Hello, I just thought I'd pop by. I don't want to leave my blog for too long, so here's a little update of some favourite shots from the last couple of weeks.

My breakfast. Yes all Japanesey style!

A delicate white rose in the garden. Soft and dreamy!

Watching the evening sun at the end of the garden with the dancing fairies.

Golden hour.

A beautiful rose in all it's stages.

Looking through the impossible tree.

Watching the pair of circling kestrel's every day on the common.

and enjoying the sweet meadow grasses.

A colourful Portishead Marina, Bristol, on a summers day. A fairly near home adventure.

The life-boat ramp, I just love this shot. Lets launch!

Simple treasures from the river estuary. So very lovely.

Just a simple summer wave here from me. I hope August brings some lovely things for you. Keeping this space simple feels like the right thing for me to do right now, I hope you understand. I'm just feeling a kind of warm happy glow about this simple blogging, so I'm going to go with that!

Sunshine smiles from me to you.

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

crochet on a summers day....

Well it's so hot here today that my brain has turned to mush and I thought it might be a good time to blog. Being that it has been about 3 weeks since my last post and perhaps the heat will melt any blocks that I seem to have. 

Today is the hottest July day on record. 36.7degrees at Heathrow. There's talk of possible thunder storms on their way tonight. I'm doing my weather presenter thing again! The crochet was from yesterday, so far it's been too hot to crochet today.

The other day I heaved my old swing seat out from under the exploding bamboo plant it seemed to be supporting and decided it needed to be used as a seat. I had to find an old mattress, cover it with cushions and a nice sheet and put it in a shady corner. I realize you can't really see all that here. But anyway, summer with a swing seat will be good, especially as I think we really will mainly be holidaying here this year. 

Although yesterday a bird dared to poop on my lovely sheet, whilst my back was turned, so leaving crochet casually strewn around is not a good idea. Thankfully it was not on the crochet!

This is my view of the climbing rose, so I can't complain! Isn't it lovely. Smells good too. I also have a rather huge and wonderful new bird table to show you soon, made for me by the teen as part of his woodwork lessons. We just need to varnish it and then think of some fun decorations, I'm sure he won't mind!

And the lovely common is truly in it's sweet place right now. All the meadow grasses and wild flowers. Beautiful. Like a painting. I feel very lucky to have this view. I don't feel so land locked I think because I can see the river in the distance, which is kind of coast line really being at the top of the Bristol Channel. I expect it's a little cooler at the coast today, perhaps.

It's been early starts this week, tying to beat the heat. I'm up walking here by 7.15 with the dog. By the time we're back at the car it's almost too hot. Although 2 and half weeks ago it looked like this

It always feels good to come back and blog....I don't know how the summer's going to go. I'm still really in the process of de-cluttering my life and also hoping to expand my shop and keep on making.
I have forever de-cluttered my clothes and my books. I've probably halved those now. The real job that I keep putting off is to sort out my photos, both in albums and on-line. I think I will feel considerably lighter once I've done those. And of course there's the daily dramas to negotiate.

I've decided to turn off comments, once I've worked how. We all have to try things out and find our happy place on here. I'm going to try it out, maybe for the summer. It's just to simplify things, which is really where I'm at at the moment. I need to step out from the spiral of expectation and hopefully things will feel simpler for you too.

So I am just trying it, following my intuition. I am quietly on instagram too. Maybe we will have a chat there, or flickr or facebook. So many choices!

Have a lovely summer, going to go and share the fan with the dog now.

Friday, 5 June 2015

some summery things.....

summer flower garland
I have been sorting out my craft/work space just lately. Actually I've been sorting out my whole house really. A lot of purging and clearing has been going on here behind the scenes. I think it might be never ending, I've been doing it for years. I'm also good at bringing it in though. But saying that, car loads have left, and it's beginning to feel like there's a little more space around things.

A happy discovery was this garland I found in my bag of crochet things. It's from a couple of years ago. I love it, it reminds me of when I first discovered the joys of crochet. I love all the different colours, you can see that can't you! Some I don't have anymore, lovely Rowan wool.

blues and greens on the common

In life, I feel like I'm getting ready to move into a new role. At home we are just beginning the last 6 weeks of school. After that I will no longer be a Mum of a school age child. It will be college and a whole new chapter. I feel like we are in a transition or getting ready for one.
I want to keep on blogging but I feel I need to wear it loosely.
Really I just want to make sure my focus is where it's needed, especially over this next six weeks.

a Peony saved from the mower
So I stepped back a little from blogging, I kind of gave myself a week or two off. It felt good, to just relax and be a reader instead.
I find it can take a long time to blog, or maybe it's just how I have been doing it.

By the second week I was starting to compose blog posts in my head!

fabric memories
I was sent a lovely gift of this Greensleeves fabric, by Claire from Poppysnest, who kindly agreed to a little blog swap. My Mum had curtains in her living room made from this material, which I spotted on her blog. It's a very much now fabric with Honeysuckle and summer flowers. Thank you Claire.

blue gingham nets
There has been a bit of sewing recently.
These blue gingham nets are a little experiment around where we eat. I was hoping to encourage my teen to sit here again, now it feels a little less like a gold fish bowl! I like it, it feels a bit cafe style, and a bit more private. Not that I want to shut anyone out, but the arrangement of people moving around here has changed thanks to a stuck door. Some of you might remember I have a couple of hardy cabin dwellers living here too. We share some parts of the house. There are some things you not allowed to build in your garden, without serious planning permission anyway!

lego vintage style caravan
 Well who spotted the cavaran?! This was a christmas present to me from my teen who found a long forgotten still valid lego voucher! The only things he would have ordered cost hundreds, and it wasn't going to happen. So I asked if he wouldn't mind me very much getting the caravan! I know, it's really childish. It took me about 5 months to make it. Isn't it sweet and why do they always put in extra parts?! I think it was the bunting and flowers on the window sill which sold it to me. Oh and the back opens and the sunbeds come out, easy now!

Anyway back to grown up things.

I made a little place for plants and crystals.

 I think I may be a bit more relaxed about blogging, whatever that means. Of course you will often find me and my photos on flickr and a little bit on instagram, which I like as much as putting a nice sweet in my mouth and then forgetting about it once it's eaten!

widflowers on the common
And you will always find me up here everyday with my camera, because this is my sanity and my breathing out, oh and my exercise!

the first climbing rose
So until next time, go well, and enjoy the weekend.